it's midnight now and somewhere in a november
that still exists tonight, we're kissing each other's knucles
for the first time.
i've swallowed hearts like apricots
and i've watched as the juice of being in love
dripped down my chin and spread like watercolors
across my skin.
i've seen what shades i feel in
when i feel in shades of
you.
i've lived through seven seas of heartbreak
but i wouldn't take any of it back
because on each shoreline i found another reason
to let someone lead me into the waves
with my eyes closed.
do you remember how raw the night seemed
when we cracked the moon over our teeth and let its
yolk run down our throat?
salmonella or not,
i loved you then.
it's april now,
and there are showers, like they promised.
driving around in the rain today,
someone told me that may would be
beautiful again.
but fuck it, i don't want may flowers.
i only want
you.

i don't know how to feel about anything anymore

really hoping that i'm getting over continuously throwing myself into the vicious cycle of being temporarily stoked on something only to discover that it's bad for my sanity and lack of emotional stability to get attached too quickly to pretty much anything aside from pizza

but honestly, i can't imagine wasting my breath on someone other than you

always strange looking back in the archives of the moments where my skin touched a blanket that would feel unfamiliar if i were to run a fingertip across it now but for some reason felt so much like home back then

here here here here here
let me list everywhere you're
not here here here here

trying to think of topics for thesis and it's not going well:
change
solitude
empty
full
confused
lustful
hateful
repetitive
destructive
unintentional
intentional
condescending
careless
overwhelmed
stuck