i'm falling in and out again

put yourself in my place for just one day

watch all the colours in your spectrum fade grey

more aware than ever that i might never be calm again

and it shakes every fucking bone

trying to do the right thing on my own

so i let the ink tell you how

i come to grips with all of this

i'm getting too old for this

what do you know? my shoes are my own

tread the granite til you find

some kind of place to call home

not broke, just bent

i appreciate every single ounce of your existence and i don't think i tell you that enough but i will try to more because you really do deserve to hear it as often as i think it

i'm tired of taking baby steps, i want to do something big now

it's been nine months of falling asleep with a blue glow washing over us because we've stayed up too late and the sun is starting to peek through cracks in the sky. it's been nine months of waking up to a squinting boy, oblivious to the hour, drinking up every extra second of sleep. it's been nine months of figuring out what makes you boil over, what makes you stir, and what makes you cool down. it's been nine months of unexpectedly drowning in a pool of you, of us, of everything i'd wanted but never thought i'd have. it's been nine months of learning to let my fingers dance over your shoulderblades, and yours to glide up my ribcage. it's been nine months of letting myself fall entirely in love with you, never growing tired of you, and wanting this to happen again and again, over and over, for as many months as humanly possible.

bottling everything up throughout the course of the day makes for absolutely terrible nights.

i wish i could produce enough body heat

to keep me warm all through winter,

to keep from shaking in this bed,

frozen like a layer of frost on the glass.

only i can trace our names on that frost,

and i can't in my bedsheets.

i need one finger for writing our initials

but if you come back to the imprint you first left,

the sheets and mattress slightly sunken from your body,

i could use all ten to discover all of you.

i let problems that don't revolve around my life get to me and it gets me so fucking down because there is nothing i can do to help.

tired, creatively drained, and 100% completely sick of every single pretentious person in this motherfucking institution.