"you strike me as someone who really wants to try and see and find things you maybe don't fully understand in the world and right now you 'get' everything you've got"

i have a million ideas dancing around in my head and my heart is bursting with joy right now and i know that i don't need classes or assignments to execute any of these and even through these messy thoughts of hating art school and wanting to drop out so badly i promise that i will never let photography become anything less than my biggest fucking passion. i will never settle.

take me here

wants vs. needs.

i don't want much.

i want to be happy.

i need to get out.

i need to get out.

i need to get out.

there are so many highways and street signs and wisps of hair and breaths and fingertips and cold toes curled under bedsheets and pebbles and puddles and buildings with glowing lights peeking through half-drawn curtains between myself and what i want right now.

a few digital shots from paris so far. nothin' too exciting, just being fucking stoked on the 5D.

just an hour ago i was shaking with rage but now sufjan is playing and i am reading through jason lazarus' list of impossible art ideas realizing how infinite our minds and ideas can be and that the world is a big fucking place and i am just one tiny speck in this enormous solar system and sometimes it's okay to feel small because if i were to say that i feel limitless and big and important then i would have nothing to say when i truly feel that way. don't use words too big for their purpose.

i don't know what i'm talking about anymore.

"i never regret anything i put my heart into."

everything has flaws and cracks and mistakes. nothing is perfect. a mattress stripped of its sheets, bodies stripped of their clothes. then the flaws seem to slip away down the crevace between the bed and the wall, and the imperfections of everything seem to bleed into the dyes of the blankets in a ball at the foot of the bed. everything is okay. everything is right. heavy breathing muffled into collarbones. gritty fingernails dig into ribcages and spines. everything is incredibly close and raw and messy and it feels good even though it is not perfect. nothing is. things can come close though. things with you seem that way.

and one day we will die
and our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea
but for now we are young
let us lay in the sun
and count every beautiful thing we can see
love to be
in the arms of all i'm keeping here with me, me

Defeater - I Dont Mind HQ (New Song 2011)

i like you sleepily squinting in the morning

with the blinds half open and the muted noises of the city just outside the open window

your hair is a mess and so is mine

a quick kiss and then you're asleep again

a simple reminder that you're happy to wake up beside me

and so am i

so am i.

i know how to operate a camera

so i'm going to drop out and move to iceland

and take my own goddamn pictures when i want to

of what i want

when i want

with no deadlines

i wish

lying in bed awake since 11:29 am

listening to iron & wine

the white sky shining through my cracked open blinds

leaving jagged striped shadows on my ceiling

bleeding down the wall behind me

the snow looks like it is falling in slow motion

aimlessly drifting through the sky

eventually making its way to the ground

the vessels in my skin have formed bruises

on my arm

my chest

my hip

my ribs

leaving memories of last night to linger for a week or so

in shades of purple and black

it hurts but i don't regret it

i miss you though

I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and
When we kiss they're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate
That God himself did make us into
Corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces
From the clay

True, it may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this
That catch my troubled head
When you're away, when I am missing you to death

When you were out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now," they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now," but we'll stay

I've tried my best to leave
This all on your machine
But the persistent beat
Sounded thin upon listening

That frankly will not fly
You will hear the shrillest highs
And lowest lows with the windows down
When this is guiding you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
"Come down now," they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
"Come down now," but we'll say...

i want to discover everything about you

i want to learn your scars and freckles and flaws

i want to do all of this while lying on your bare mattress

while your eyes dart from my lips to my cheek to my eyes

and our eyes meet

and we smile

and i smirk

and you smile more because you like the smirk

and i giggle because i get a little shy

and then you kiss me

and it all starts again

i want to figure out what makes you who you are

i want to learn the pattern of freckles on your face and across your back

and i want our breath to fall in sync as our chests rise and fall on those wintery mornings after we've been in bed for 18 hours straight

"if we lived in iceland we could just live on a farm and have sheep and goats and wear big homemade sweaters all day and take one million pictures and then develop them in our own darkroom"