this is messy and scattered so bare with me.

although i always complain of being either too hot or too cold, i keep my window open to hear the rain and the wind. i can't remember the last time i've had three square meals in a day, and i drink too much coffee, but i make up for it in the excessive amount of clementines i eat. i spend too much time online, drifting away into other peoples' worlds of well-written sentences and beautiful photographs wishing i had the courage and inspiration to follow suit. i go through periods of self-loathing, like anyone does, but who ever heard of an artist making something spectacular when they were perfectly happy? i bruise too easily, and my hair grows too slowly, but i can't do anything about those things. my attention span has gotten shorter because of the internet, and i can do something about that. i appreciate 'the little things' and i try to avoid making a big ordeal about myself or any situation i'm in whenever possible. i can't sleep without saying goodnight to someone, and i'm trying to not let myself go to sleep mad at the world. i'm affected by words that make me feel nostalgic about something i never actually had, and this concept is weird to me, but i'll never let myself become immune to someone elses' happiness. i want to see the world, and i know everyone says that, but i really do. i want to wade through water and stand on mountains and feel tall grass against my bare legs and understand how fucking big the world is and how incredible it is to explore every inch of it. i'm trying to better myself not for anyone else, but for me, because this life was not meant for me to be good enough for other people, it was meant for me to be good enough for myself.