i remember the water of the atlantic ocean stinging my toes, surprisingly colder than i imagined. transatlanticism coming on my ipod at the exact second my feet sunk into the pigments of dust and sand below the surface. being consumed with the feeling of what it's like to be alive. feeling like you just... get it, being alive is about moments like that.

i remember lying in the damp grass in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere, staring into a seemingly infinite sky, stars strewn across the purple sky. we told our secrets in the dark, opening up every pore of ourselves to each other just because we could. we laughed and then we cried, we fucking cried our eyes out. we never spoke of it aloud again. sometimes you don't have to say anything in order to understand the importance of it. being alive is about moments like that too.

i remember hovering over the earth, thousands of feet off the ground, watching the most beautiful sunrise i've ever seen. i had no idea where i was in the world, and it didn't matter. the sky was bright orange, the only time i've ever really liked the colour, laced with pinks and reds and yellows, burning through the windows on the plane. i was completely alone and overwhelmed by gratification for the earth and how fucking wonderful it can seem sometimes. these moments are important too.

i've realized recently that i need to slow the fuck down and take things one step at a time. it's not about getting through shit in the long run. it's about existing. existing day by day.