breaking out for the first time in my life, in more ways than one, watching the rain break free from the sky thinking "that's ironic"

i'm trying not to think so much anymore instead of processing everything and pushing thoughts out of my skin and out of my mouth, forceful and unpleasant

i'm trying to turn out the lights and go to sleep, leaving it at that, nothing more nothing less but it's proving to be harder than it sounds

i can sleep alone tonight, i can, i don't want to, but i can, and i will and i will focus on my beating heart and an imaginary arm behind my head because that's how this works right?

and i will ignore body parts calling for you to break out of your shell and smother me in all the right ways and i will not overthink this i will not overthink this

i will blindly stare into the dark ceiling on this dark night and i will try to sleep tight because that's all i should be doing anyway right?