i don't understand this

sometimes my body feels too heavy for certain moments and i'm like a newborn child with holes in my heart, too young and naive to grasp quiet thoughts i can't even speak about yet. i try to tell myself that the world is a beautiful place sometimes but i feel the weight of it on my shoulders and i just can't grasp that concept. that life is presenting tangible things in front of me but all i can do is let them fall through the holes in my heart. fall, and fall, and fall. so these feelings keep falling and my back keeps breaking and i keep thinking about the time my father introduced me to led zeppelin in his car, telling me that it would change my life, and the time that i chased my brother down the hot sidewalk barefoot, and how i tripped and ripped my toenail off, too stunned to cry, and how that was the first time in my life that i realized shit happens and it sucks but nails grow back and i forget about holding grudges and i can't listen to led zeppelin without thinking of my father and wishing i wasn't such a music snob these days because there's so much more he can show me and there's so much more i can learn and so many more cuts and scabs and bruises and scrapes i can get but they'll all heal. so maybe these holes in my heart can heal too. maybe i can patch them with these memories that are imprinted into my brain, taking them and bending them into tiny squares, and fitting them in the creases in my heart, keeping them for when i need them most. maybe they're safer there.